Holiday Confession and Reflection

By Mrs. Xennial

Done with Thanksgiving, and with Christmas around the corner, this is a time for all kinds of holiday anxiety to take up permanent residence in your heads. Since this is a blog particularly focused on financial side of things, let’s talk about money during the holidays, and I’ll also share what Mr. Xennial and I do for the most part.

Quick note: none of us would be what you called “an expert” in anything. We are simply a couple who works towards FI/RE, and hopefully one day not being controlled by a W-2 paycheck.

Before we get into the details, can I say that this Thanksgiving has been ON CRACK?! Sure, most businesses have the entire 2020 to either not figure it out and go bankrupt, or find their way through the cracks and pivot the $hit out of it. Good for them; but holy crap the Black Friday deals this year went out as soon as November began, and they practically hit the ground and started flying all over in our faces (literally… on every social media platform there is, and in emails, physical mails, and EVERYTHING). And IT CONTINUED WELL INTO DECEMBER!!! If Black Friday and Cyber Monday are here to stay, I might be okay with that though. If the merchants are willing to sell things at the most discounted prices throughout the year? YASSS! (Wishful thinking, I know.)

Since I can be active on Instagram, the sheer number of ads I see while scrolling through has doubled if not tripled, and the more they show up, the more I have this “Ooh this is something I didn’t know I want” feeling. (#askingforafriend) To make things worse, almost all deals can be found online since shopping in-person may still be an issue for some… So I have fell through the (click-bait) traps a few times already *luckily not actually ended up placing orders for the most part. This is also not to say that I completely was immune to all the ads… getting the payout from my previous job also didn’t help (or did it?), when I have a little more to spend for my own splurge… (*evil grin)

Over the past few years, I think the Maison de Xennials have sort of figured it out for the most part. We are lucky in a sense that we are currently DINHKs (double income, no human kids) and we are both introverts who do not always get to go home to our parents during the holidays and really don’t have that many friends around, which makes it easier not to get into this Christmas gift exchange trap. _{(Actually, to clarify: Mr. Xennial does have a son from his previous marriage, and his son is pretty much the only one around us that gets to make a request for something he wants for Christmas.)} Especially since we started to be more FI conscious, it is more important to think through the NEEDS vs. WANTS for us; and to us, Black Friday means a good time to get things we need. Don’t get me wrong; we aren’t always good at distinguishing the two, doesn’t mean we stop trying though… like… I still think we need donuts. Maybe not everyday for obvious reasons, but we need them from time to time.

But then I see that the holidays have always been a struggle for some especially when Black Fridays are usually time for people to shop for Christmas gifts for the cheapest possible price tags, and the amount of dedication and investment are astonishing. To give you a frame of reference (and raise your hands if this is/was you): growing up, Mr. Xennial’s parents would easily throw $10k for Christmas for the family of 5, and pretty much was paying that for the next year or five on their credit cards. I’m sure there are people like his folks who kept adding more to the existing debt in exchange for the title of “best dad/mom/son/daughter/friend/boyfriend/girlfriend/partner/person award.” And so often this goes beyond the religious boundary because even the non-Christians do the gift exchange, too!

In FI communities, it isn’t a new topic either. You’d find “how to hack holiday shopping” or “how to shop for Christmas year round for your budget” as topics too. Some tips are easy: shop winter things in summer or vice versa; or simply find out when is the best time to buy for certain brands. Sure; these are helpful in a sense to help people plan out the expense in the most cost and time efficient way for their budget. And many people follow these guidelines to budget every year for their family, or for that trip to wherever home is.

Here’s what confused me as someone who comes from a country that messed up the true meaning of Christmas and businesses have framed the holiday as another Valentine’s Day on crack:

When did we start to measure the love and affection to one another by the dollar amount or sizes of the gifts purchased each year?

It’s more than just the holidays, too. People are conditioned to value the love of their partners by the size and grade of the rock(s) on their fingers; friends are judging other ones who may or may not come to the birthday parties with sizable gifts; and there’s more often than not, kids who show disappointment when they didn’t get that PS5 they “needed so badly.” (My apologies if PS5 is not even the newest… this goes to show you the level of importance of those game consoles in our house.) And let’s not talk about the eye-rolling that happens when one receives a gift card/cash card… gawd the audacity of NOT putting any thoughts into those gifts! (I don’t mind those, though. LOL)

The point is, at one point or another, we all have had this urge to spend more money because that shows our commitment, love, or affection to the recipients. But is it really? And also for the receiving end… do we really stay happy for that PS5 (or whatever gifts mentioned above)? Or that is simply something that gets your the brief joy, and would quickly lose your love and attention and needed to be upgraded/replaced. Or was that simply a trophy to flash in front of other people to show off?

Not to mention people whose livelihood was affected due to the pandemic… I can’t even begin to wonder what that is like when the monthly bills are already sucking the life outta you… AND THEN the holidays hit you in the face asking you to spend the money you may not have…

If you are lucky like us (in a sense that we are not struggling financially and we practically talk about EVERYTHING), I urge you to re-think what the holidays should mean for you and your family and have a honest conversation to reset the priorities in the house (with your friends and extended family, too). To us, we value our times together more than what was brought as a physical gift to each other (although food is ALWAYS welcomed in this house). In fairness, there may be a price tag for that “time together” if we were to do nice dinner somewhere out and about, or take a quick trip for a friend’s wedding, etc. But we value experiences over materials for the most part. I couldn’t even tell the differences between two diamonds unless the two are side by side and my eyeballs are about an inch from them. (This was from an experience shopping with a friend who wanted a pair of diamond earrings for their anniversary… they divorced couple years later… hmm…)

And quite honestly, every holiday is booby-trapped with click-bait ads all over the damn place. But should we not love each other because today isn’t February 14th? Or do we really need to spend extra just because it is AAPI awareness month? I don’t know about y’all, but I’m aware I’m an AAPI member every damn day. Don’t get me wrong; if you have something you treasure and want to splurge on, and you are doing well enough not having to worry about that extra $10 for that hand-crafted-fancy-local-brewery beer or that $7 of morning coffee at Starbucks, I’m not asking you to take all the fun and joy in your life and throw it in the trash can. This is particularly for the holiday-specific spending that may need a bit of a revamping if FI is on your mind, too.

Try and have that conversation with your family; it may not be an easy one, but it might just make your life much easier towards your FI goals. I think it really takes everyone’s buy-in to make FI work, and I think having everyone on the same page (or at least close to each other in the same chapter) is a great first step.