Holiday Stress is REAL

-Mrs. Xennial

Holidays; Holidaze….

I thought I’d reflect on the Xennial family’s changes on our attitudes for the holiday season (particularly Christmas) over the years to see if this could help you. I’m sure you’d find other similar ideas, but I’m just sharing our story here. Our holiday philosophy didn’t quite start on the right foot; instead, it all started when shit hit the fan… let me explain.

2017 was a stressful year. (Which year wasn’t, really?) I had just started the director job at the college, and finally started to figure out what I was doing in the office of 2 (sort of). I thought it was a good time to prove to the Dean of my work ethic and ability, so I WORKED MY ASS OFF. I constantly worked after hour checking emails and making sure everything is okay (even though I failed at the family front). Before I know it, I was drinking 3/4 to a full bottle of wine A DAY at times as my way to decompress. (I know, bad for my body and bad for the $$$, too.) I thought I was doing the right thing by proving to my supervisors that I was right for the job. Turned out, almost everyone noticed my effort….almost. The Dean was…well…wishy washy most of the time.

During the same year, Mr. Xennial and I also were going through a rough patch as well. He had joined a motorcycle club (no, without the initiative which requires him to do REAL BAD things), and found his niche. It also seemed that he found a new family. In a sense, I understand this brotherhood they build in the club, and the amount of charity they do for the community was impressive. I didn’t feel I belong since I’m naturally awkward in a group, so I’ve only gone for their rides on Sunday maybe a handful of times at best. The routine was: meet up > breakfast > ride > coffee break > lunch > maybe a drink after the main ride. Very soon, this Sunday ritual was making a dent in Mr. Xennial’s wallet, and I started to notice as well. Plus, from time to time, he would be out by 7:30am, and wouldn’t be home until 4pm. On the days they do guard duty for marathons or whatever event, he could very well be leaving our house by 4am. He was exhausted because Sunday was usually he laundry day, too.

Thus, between spending long hours with the club and financial stress of these meetings, I suggested that maybe every other Sunday? At the time, Mr. Xennial was not happy because it meant taking time away from his other family, but slowly started to go a little less frequently for $$$ purposes. He was still an alcohol drinker at the time, and we often got into disagreement particularly after we had been drinking. That year, when the Star Wars movie came out, I said we should go watch it in the theater during our date night (dinner out at a Japanese BBQ restaurant; also not cost-effective). Somehow he got mad and said he wasn’t interested (and I believe he tied some club party or event to the reasoning), and I’m pretty sure at that moment I turned into a Saiyan.

I didn’t yell or argue; but TBH, I almost cried. That was maybe the first time I felt that I was just not that important, and can be replaced; that spending time with me isn’t as important as the club meetings or parties; that I’m secondary. Sure, I don’t have to have him around EVERY SECOND when he’s not working; but at that point, I was trying to also make an effort to spend more time with each other since I have worked so much that year already.

How mad did I get, you ask?

I booked a ticket to go home to Taiwan the day before Christmas, and didn’t return to Hawaii until after New Year’s Day.

During my vacay, Mr. Xennial decided that he wanted to quit drinking, and went cold turkey. After the week of detox (which was really rough according to him), we had a LONG ASS text session (on LINE, free texting app, y’all). I said I wanted to leave the bad behind in 2017 and start 2018 anew, and I showed hand. I told him I couldn’t take the fact that the club became more important to me, and I needed him to reset his priority.

It was my way of communicating and setting my priority straight as well, since I worked so much, and I want to put family time closer to the front; but I think at that point, I think the financial issues started to emerge, too, since I genuinely believe that motorcycles are for people who have extra money to burn, and it wasn’t a cheap habit to maintain. (I stopped diving because it’d cost too much; not because I don’t like diving anymore, really.)

So THAT Christmas/New Year SUCKED.

2018 was another rough year. Our mortgage payment was steadily going up, income stayed the same, and not having a right saving state of mind got us paycheck to paycheck as usual. Then we found out that his grandma passed around his birthday (around Thanksgiving), and Mr. Xennial just lost the holiday spirit. We haven’t had much of that to begin with, but that year was very gloomy from Thanksgiving to the next year. We thought, since the bank accounts don’t lie, let’s just hold off on the celebrations and just….BE. We still figure some presents for his son, but none for each other. We didn’t even get a tree, and just wasn’t in a jolly mood.

2019, although seems like yesterday (LOL), was simply full of changes (see previous chapters about our relocation). We did, however, manage to take a 5-hour road trip to my in-laws’ and spent Thanksgiving with them, Mr. Xennial’s sister, and his nephew. We had a friend in Everett to help take care of the Xennial Felines and we took the Xennial K9s with us. That was fun to catch up since it’s been at least 5 years since our last visit (we saw them a couple of times during these 5 years, though). We spent Christmas here in Everett with Mr. Xennial’s uncle, his daughters, and their families here in Seattle area; no present was requested; just our presence. Mr. Xennial still got me something (a cat-themed PJ for the house); I didn’t really thought about it since I can’t think of anything he needs.

That’s the thing: the NEEDS versus the WANTS.

I think one thing from our horrible realization of the holidays is that often times, gifts were something people WANT instead of what they NEED. I’m sure you have seen kids’ faces by the time they open the third gift, or the one gift that wasn’t what was on the list of WANTS, and they were over it in a split second. The consumerism culture in the US has gone insane, and it got people to spend money when they couldn’t really afford it all. I get it. Some people thought “well I bought everything with coupons on sales and Black Fridays.” Yet, over the years, I learn that if it isn’t something someone really needs, then it’s just something that takes up space and collects dust (for the most part). If there’s one thing I did well financially in 2019, is that I really try hard to stay clear of the WANTS, and focus on only the NEEDS.

Here’s a confession, however:

When it comes to pet clothing, like this “corn hat” for cats I found in Japan, I’m totally a sucker. Every time I see a machine that sells those, I’m all like…”TAKE MY MONEY.” This would be my downfall.

How are y’all doing on dealing with holiday stress financially? Share in the comments if you like. 🙂