To Compare or Not to Compare…

By Mrs. Xennial

Growing up in an Asian family, I grew up being compared to others around me. Sometimes it’s my grades; sometimes it’s my figure; sometimes it’s my success. I remember hating it so much because I just couldn’t seem to be the better one. “Why can’t you score as much as XXX?” “Why do you have to be so fat?” “How come you can’t get in a better school?”

At one point, the more I was compared with, the less I wanted to perform. “So what if I suck at tests.” “So what if I’m fat?” “So what if I was in my current school?” “Fuck this,” I thought. (I’ve always been so classy.)

And then I came to the US, even then, before I left, my parents were still saying “XXX is studying in France now; you’re going somewhere to study abroad, aren’t you?” At that point, I gladly accepted the request because I just want to get the fuck away from all this shit. Over the years, I’ve learned to give less fucks… about my score, about my weight, and about my academic career. Don’t get me wrong: I still managed to pass all of my classes while having two part-time jobs and full-time drinking/partying. (Work hard; play harder. The formula to financial failure…. and I thought I was winning at the time.)

Fast forward 15.5 years… I learned to compare less and less. The XXX girl is now married with two kids in France living her dream (I hope), and all we have here are our fur babies and couldn’t be happier.

But as I’m digging deeper into learning more about financial independence, I find myself jump right back in and out of the old me:

• “Wow, why can’t I make that kind of money?”
• “Damn, I went to school for the wrong major.”
• “Shit, I started LATE on my 401(a), and I don’t have a Roth IRA account.”
• “Had I known what I have known now, I would have selected another major.”

And then soon I’ll talk myself out of the negative side:

• “No no no, personal finance is PERSONAL; of course I can’t compare with other people’s salary.”
• “It’s better late than never.”
• “At least now I know, and I’m working on it.”
• “Had I selected (insert engineering, MBA, or medical school here), I wouldn’t have loved what I do for a living.

See a little “good cop bad cop” theme here?…

It’s still not easy, as we’re barely starting to explore the FI realm. If FI community is just like the Marvel Universe, I feel like the successful FIers are already in the list of Avengers; I’m that one waitress who commented on how Captain America saved her life. The negative me would have been that extra in the movies without a line…

My point is: I’m doing my best at this, and I know I will make mistakes along the way. It’s just that sometimes, I will have to talk myself out of that loophole of negative thinking. All that matters is that I’m doing it, one step at a time. If there is any mistakes, at least my current job is stable (yay next paychecks), and I have some “oh shit funds” in the savings.

What about you? What’s your experience in your FI journey?